New year resolutions are not my thing. I have tried to make resolutions and fell into the routine of following through for a while then losing discipline. Either way, it always felt like a failure. I could have learned from each set back. Instead, I felt badly that I had not achieved my goal and lost motivation to keep trying. While sports teach us to learn and adjust from our failures, we also learn, become inspired, and find renewed energy through every little success.

We can encourage our athletes to notice their positive lessons and boost their self-esteem by focusing on what they are doing well – every day! When I’m coaching, I make every effort to let my skaters know what they did well while sharing how they may improve. As a parent, there were days when learning from an experience or having fun with the team were the only success stories we could pull from a losing performance. But there was always a silver lining, and maybe a stop for ice cream, to wipe away the blues.

Positive Support

As we push our children to succeed to the best of their ability, the instinct is to focus on where they need to make improvements. Nothing is ever perfect, but they are practicing to get as close to perfect as possible. It is our job to support them. That often leads to shining a spotlight on what they should fix or how they could prepare better. We may even suggest they are not trying hard enough to improve more quickly. 

Eventually, consistent focus on the negative aspects of an athlete’s performance may begin to chip away at their self-esteem. Less self-esteem leads to a diminished belief that one may actually be able to succeed. It can be highly impactful if a coach is only pointing out the failures and mistakes of an athlete. We expect them to encourage our athletes as they train. Parents also have a role in how athletes perceive the challenges they are having with their activity.

Parent With Empathy

When a child has a parent who believes in them regardless of the score of their last game or the place they earned at the last competition, the child has a much better chance of believing in themself. They feel the sting of a disappointing performance, and that may linger for a while. You feel it as a parent as well because you want your child to feel good about themselves and to be happy. Together, you can help them turn the loss into a lesson.

With open communication, you can help your athlete learn from their experience. Listen to them and understand that they already know they did not have their best day on the field. It is not necessary to review all the moves that went wrong to have a productive conversation.

Every Success Matters

What did they do well? Did they show good sportsmanship? Were they supportive team members? Did they practice effectively up to the event? Perhaps, they did everything right and things just did not go their way. These are scenarios they will encounter time and time again in sport and in life. We all do. Finding every little success, even if they are really well hidden, is imperative for motivating your athlete to believe in themself so they can return to their next practice with renewed confidence, resilience, and positive lessons for continued progress.

While you work hard to understand, support, and love your child, remember to notice every little success you achieve as a parent – every day!