Our athletes will have days that cause them to feel like they can do anything they try, and there will be days when nothing seems to go their way. Peer relationships, family pressure, and personal expectations are just a few factors that can disturb their belief in themselves. How do parents and coaches work with them to keep them grounded and positive as they ride the daily wins and losses? What can we do to continue building self confidence in our athletes?

Creating Independence

You may have learned to take care of yourself at an early age. On the other hand your parents may have tried to do everything for you, either to make life easier or they felt you were not ready for the task. It has been my observation through my personal life and coaching career that children who are given more autonomy feel more capable and confident than those who do little for themselves. When we keep doing things for a child, the message may be interpreted as they cannot complete a task successfully, so someone else needs to do it for them. 

Athletes who take care of their equipment, prepare themselves for practice and events and are included in the decisions regarding their involvement in sport take ownership of their participation, progress, and performance. They have greater self-motivation. They trust their own decisions. Their involvement in the sport becomes more of a personal journey than one they are doing to please someone else.

Encourage your child to do any age-appropriate tasks related to their sport. Follow their lead when they ask to do something by themselves. Include them in discussions regarding their sport. You and their coaches can help keep goals realistic for their age and level, leading to more success. They feel that they are able to do more on their own and their views and ideas have value. We help to build self confidence by believing in them and giving them freedom in their sport.

Support with Honesty

Athletes know when they performed well or to their best ability. They also know when their performance came up short or was a complete disaster. Telling them their performance was great or “it wasn’t that bad” is not tricking them into feeling better about themselves. They may acknowledge that you are trying to help or stay positive, but they also may question your truthfulness.

To show your pride, acknowledge the effort they put into the game, race, or competition. You can find something they did well. Perhaps they pushed through the event when they were lacking motivation. They failed repeatedly and continued to try. They stayed positive for the rest of their teammates and supported those playing with them. Maybe they successfully completed a skill they have been struggling with in practice.

Your child may have fallen, came up short, or failed, but there are often positive points to pull from the experience. You remain honest and truthful with your child. They learn that losses and failures happen. Athletes can learn from the positive and negative moments to train for a better experience next time.

You can encourage them and focus on what they have done that makes you proud of them. Unless you are personally judging or coaching the event, you do not have to scrutinize the outcome or their individual performance. Support them and help them build the self confidence they need to enable them to keep training and feeling a desire to continue competing.

As a parent, your words and actions have great influence over how your athlete perceives themselves. As you work to build your child’s confidence, let their trainers know how you are supporting your child. Feel free to ask them what they say when they notice your child is struggling with self-esteem based on their athletic journey. Whereas an athlete with doubt and low self confidence may progress more slowly and face more disappointment, a confident athlete will thrive and continue to enjoy the process. They will feel empowered, and their teammates or peers will benefit from the positive energy they bring to their sport.

The greatest reward will be watching your child believing in themselves, setting goals, and reaching for their dreams. Another life lesson we learn from sports.