The way we respond to our athlete’s experiences can add pressure or share support. We may have the best intentions when we comment on their performance or suggest an improvement they could make. What would be a supportive parent comment, and what do we say that is not helpful? The following parenting quotes may seem familiar and offer insight into how your athlete might perceive the things you say.

“If you train harder, like your competitors, you might win someday.”

While it is true that hard work and consistent training are keys to becoming an elite competitor, it is possible that your child already feels they are putting all their effort into improving. Perhaps they need to hone specific skills. They may need to build their stamina or body strength. They do not need you to compare their effort to that of their peers. 

Talk to your child and to their coach. Ask what areas of practice need more focus. Have your child set personal attainable goals with their coach and a course of action to succeed. Support your child and remind them that you are proud of them and love them regardless of how many goals they scored or if they placed first or eighth in the race.

“We have invested too much time and money for you to perform so poorly.”

Sports are costly and time consuming. Hopefully, you have discussed any limitations that need to be set for your athlete based on your financial situation or the needs of other family members. 

Guilt is not an effective motivation tactic. You have made the commitment to support your child in their sport. Do not imply that they need to repay you with greater progress or more achievements. Your athlete will be disappointed with a poor performance and will need your understanding and comfort after a bad experience. Encourage them to keep striving to reach their goals, with no strings attached. Let them know you will be cheering for them and supporting them along the way.

“When I played (your sport) I never let my nerves ruin my game.”

First, that’s a tough claim to believe. Second, you are not your child. Everyone handles pressure differently, even within the same family. For years, my parents told me to “just relax and skate like I did in practice.” They had a knack for staying calm in pressure situations. I did not inherit that trait and became extremely nervous for every test and competition. My parents could never figure out why I felt this way. 

Your children may not approach situations with the same attitude or confidence that you had when you were an athlete. Ask them how they are feeling. Are they truly nervous or really excited? Will they be competing against friends or afraid of letting their team down if they do not do well? Let them share what they are experiencing before an event. If your child prefers to work through their pre-game emotions privately, give them the space to do so while letting them know they can always have a judgement free conversation if they need.

The most supportive parent comments can be short and sweet.

“You’re so brave.”

Whether your child is trying a new skill, trying out for the team, or playing in a game, they are putting themselves out in front of their peers, coaches, and judges on a regular basis. Athletes are always in the spotlight, even if they are a team member. Their performance is most important to them. They want to please their coaches and parents, impress their competitors, and come away with a successful day playing their sport. Some days are filled with great challenges. While you are marveling at the advances your athlete is making, consider how brave they have been to push beyond their comfort level to try new things. Keep encouraging them and commend them for taking a risk.

“Have fun”

This is what I say to my skaters right before they step on the ice for a competition. Of course, there are technical reminders and comments that resonate in practice that will be reviewed at the last minute. However, children usually begin sports to have fun. Usually having fun is a more relaxing and joyful experience. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could always have a fun day at work or have fun running errands? Encourage your child to have fun with their sport when it becomes serious and challenging for them. If they feel they are no longer able to have fun and are not enjoying the experience, then you may need to question if their sport is still the right fit for them.

“I’m proud of you!”

My personal favorite.